THE mother of seven-year-old Julian Cadman has revealed her ongoing heartbreak after he was killed in August’s Barcelona terror attack.
Jumarie Cadman told the Daily Telegraph that she struggles to understand why she lived and her son did not.
“I just want Julian back, I don’t know why I survived and he didn’t,” she said.
The 43-year-old mother-of-one was in the Catalan capital for a wedding when her son was killed and she was left with horrific injuries after a rented van drove through crowds on Las Ramblas.
The attack, carried out by Moroccan-born Younes Abouyaaqoub, killed 13 and injured 130.
Julian was to be page boy at the upcoming wedding, and Cadman revealed she still had the clothing she had purchased on their trip for the celebration.
The mum from Sydney was left with a shattered pelvis and legs, and underwent extensive surgery in Spain before returning to Sydney for further treatment.
She said the pair had just left a store when they were swept up in the devastating attack, and she felt her son’s hand be pulled away from hers.
She doesn’t sleep anymore, and misses her son Julian ‘every hour’.
She said when she first returned home, she was unable to get past the front door.
“The hardest part was going into Julian’s playroom, his bedroom – I managed with the help of the hospital social worker,” she said.
But nearly three months on from the attack, Cadman’s grief is as present as ever.
She recalls the moment she lost her son vividly, telling The Daily Telegraph she had just bought her son a toy after what she described as a ‘lovely’ day.
Moments later, as they left the store, his hand was pulled from hers and he was swept away in the attack.
“I don’t sleep, I miss him every hour,” she said.
“I loved being a mum, but it’s all gone.”
Islamic State claimed responsibility for the attack, and while 22-year-old terrorist Abouyaaqoub was shot dead after a five-day manhunt.