In a new regular column by stand-up comic and Barcelona resident James Regal (@baarelyregal), he wonders how Chicagoan pontiff will be treated by the Catalan capital’s love-hate relationship with Americans…
AT the time of writing, the citizens of Barcelona are welcoming a great man arriving at a building where local Barcelonians gather to worship every week.
Yes, English wing wizard, Anthony Gordon, has joined FC Barcelona from Newcastle United.
After completing a move that many fans have described as ‘really?!’ Gordon surprised the world by conducting his first interviews as a Culer in Spanish.
He revealed he’s been studying for years to help him one day complete his dream move to the club, which I’m sure came as great news to staunch defenders of the Catalan language.
As a Scouser, Gordon should fit in well here.
Both Liverpool and Barcelona have a proud football heritage, they’ve both birthed some of the world’s greatest cultural icons, and their people speak a language that no one else in the world understands.
Jokes aside, he’ll be a dangerous addition to an already stacked Barca attack in 2030 once he’s finally got an NIE appointment.
Now I’ll ask you to excuse the somewhat cheap and clumsy misdirect at the start of this column and focus on the actual big news in Barcelona this week – the impending visit of Pope Leo XIV.
The Holy Father is coming to Barcelona principally to inaugurate the Tower of Jesus Christ at Sagrada Familia, and his trip coincides with the centenary of the death of Antoni Gaudí.
Gaudí was tragically run over by a tram on his way to confession in 1926.
One can only speculate as to what unspeakable sins the great architect had committed that made God decide that, actually, he’d rather not hear about it.
It’s hard to reconcile the locals’ excitement about the pontiff’s arrival with the realities of daily life in Barcelona.
For here is a man, an American man, whose very presence in the city has driven up the costs of accommodation, will necessitate the closure of multiple streets and suspension of public transport, and attract tens of thousands more of those pesky tourists.
He’s one Soho House membership away from starting a riot.
I’m not saying he shouldn’t come. This is clearly an event of enormous historic significance.
I just hope he’s wearing his waterproof gowns when the Tourist Go Home crowd launch their inevitable assault.
Perhaps one of them ought to update the graffiti around town just to make sure he doesn’t feel unwelcome: “Tourist Go Home. Unless You Happen To Be The Pope.”
Perhaps the projected €30 million economic boost of this sojourn in the city will soothe their ire.
The souvenir sellers will certainly hope so. All manner of papal-themed tat has been ordered in for the big week – Pope mugs, Pope tea-towels, Pope fridge magnets.
Although it’s been reported this week that many of these opportunist investments have yet to yield any profit.
In fairness, as famous as the Pope is, it’s tricky to compete with tourist best-sellers like I Love MILFS t-shirts or underpants with slogans that ask the reader if they’d like to see a big banana?
If I were a souvenir shop owner looking to take advantage of all this Pope-mania, I’d have printed up a thousand t-shirts that state ‘I Love PILFS.’
As well as blessing the Sagrada Familia, the Pope will be visiting the hilariously named, Brians 1 Prison.
Where all the inmates are called Brian, presumably.
I assume the trip to the big house is to demonstrate that even the world’s worst sinners are not beyond forgiveness and ascension into the kingdom of heaven.
It’s either that or he’s checking out the quality of the facilities awaiting some of the naughtiest Spanish priests.
Take Félix Romero Menjíbar of Jaén, for example, who has several abuse accusations against him dating from 1969.
Security is bound to be tight, and rightly so for such an esteemed VIP.
The usual prison rules will apply: no sharp objects; don’t be left alone with any inmates; and, whatever you do, be careful to not drop the Pope.
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