Old women don’t slowly morph in to grannies anymore with tightly permed hair and a bosom you could lose a small child in.

In some ways I envy that release from the pressures we as women have put ourselves under. Because let’s be clear, it’s not men who are frog-marching us down to the nearest clinic with an AK47 butted between our shoulder blades to have poison injected into our face to freeze frame time.

Or our lips and cheeks puffed up until we all start to resemble some weird looking earthlings (you only need to sit and people watch in Portals to get what I’m saying). And don’t get me started on bum implants! Women will try every diet ever invented only to have their bums so surgically enhanced you could easily rest your green smoothie on their newly acquired ledge.

The British government making the quarantine decision on people returning from holiday, which no one really saw the logic in, was not a smart move by ministers.

The power they first had when we were wide eyed staring at the news in absolute fear has disappeared as we’ve moved on a little from that now.

Boris: Not a smart move

After months in lockdown, thousands of lives already gone, the economy turning to rat-shit and any belief that Harry Potter might magically pull a vaccine out of his bottom this side of Christmas is long gone,and the only place we’re heading for now is defiance.

At the start of the COVID crisis we all behaved and did as we were told. We shut up our shops, stopped seeing family and friends and stayed indoors except to do our daily exercise and shop for provisions. But having been allowed some of those freedoms back, which we all took for granted, we are no way going to be herded into submission quite so easily next time round.

So now the powers that be have ruined everyone’s holiday and basically dropped a bomb on what’s left of the travel and tourism industry, I think it’s time we had our freedom and rights back. As grown-ass people I think we should be able to make our own decision to risk getting on a plane, and dare I say enjoy being on holiday, whilst we’re still in the midst of this shit-show.

We as communities and countries are the economy and without us wanting to go out there and simply provide for our loved ones there would be no government in power.

So how about having a bit of common sense and crediting us with some, stop playing at dictators and let’s see how a real democracy works out for all of us! Oh and maybe you could chuck in a few tests for the returning holidaymakers so they’re able to resume life whilst you’re at it!

If nothing else comes out of this year, I would love to see women go easier on themselves. If a crisis like the one we’re living through doesn’t teach us what really matters in life, and it’s not designer facemasks (people it’s not a fashion accessory) or blowing the equivalent hefty house deposit on our face and bodies over a lifetime, then what will?

Now please pass me that goddamn pizza.

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