THE Lady Bartie, in her infinite wisdom, recently invested in a Nespresso machine which, she understood, is considered exceptional in the complex art of making coffee.

I suspect that the appearance of George Clooney in the advertisements was a significant factor in her decision.

Until that time we had always made our coffee by grinding beans, pouring hot water over, allowing a few moments to brew before drinking the stuff.

My own preference has long been to follow the Spanish tradition of carajillo by adding a stiff shot of Rémy.

The Nespresso machine was supplied with a small selection of plastic capsules containing various blends of coffee.

Regardless of what Mr Clooney says the coffee was drinkable but not exceptional.

What’s going on here? All I want to do is buy some coffee!

The problem came when we tried to buy more capsules as the marketing people at Nestlé have conspired to make it as difficult as possible.

You can’t pop out to a shop to pick up a pack. Oh no!

You have to log onto Nestlé’s web site, tell them where and when you bought their infernal machine, enter the machine’s serial number, register your name and address, select a password and provide credit card details.

Given the importance of the transaction I fully expected a demand for my inside leg measurement, blood group and a urine sample.

What’s going on here? All I want to do is buy some coffee!

What next, must I sign up to buy bread?

If I were CEO of Nestlé I would fire the entire marketing department.

It has failed in its primary objective which is to make it easy for punters to buy the company’s product and to shift more coffee.

From here on in we are back to buying beans (not Nestlé) and the good old grind.

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