23 Feb, 2019 @ 09:30
2 mins read

An idyllic cottage by the lake in Andalucia gave Giles Brown a bit more than he bargained for

IDYLL: Lake Istan where Giles Brown has had his peace disturbed
IDYLL: Lake Istan where Giles Brown has had his peace disturbed

WHEN I moved into my idyllic cottage by the lake and escaped the madding and frequently maddening crowds on the coast I did so for a variety of reasons.

Some were financial; it’s a lot cheaper inland.

Some were spiritual, although I have yet to turn all ‘New Age’ and there is a permanent ban on crystals, wind chimes and anything resembling a dream catcher at the Casita.

As an aside, why do people put dream catchers in their cars?

NO THANKS: Giles Brown is not a fan of dream catchers

Shouldn’t they be focusing on the road ahead rather than allowing themselves to dream?

Although, in all fairness, dream catchers in Marbella are pretty much the equivalent of furry dice in Essex.

And then there were the health issues – as in, I stood a higher chance of not getting my face mashed in by a bouncer again if I was living in Istan.

It was the quiet life I was after, and with the sun setting over the lake and wild goats grazing on the far bank, it seemed that I was living in a office cube rat’s screensaver.

Looks can be deceptive, however, as the past few days have proved.
First off was my well-documented run in with the Wild Boar.

Now, I’m not sure if they read the Olive Press, but after my column appeared in the last issue, the tusked terrors have redoubled their efforts and last week carried out what looked like a precision bombing operation on the top garden, with turf, stones and the remnants of the shrubbery, flung in all directions.

wild boar
WILD: Boars have terrorised Giles Brown’s garden

Luckily for me, Florin, my unflappable gardener has moved back.

As a Romanian ex-paratrooper, he took one look at the devastation, muttered something in a very dark language (I’m guessing a Transylvanian curse) and set about constructing some boar defences.

It’s been very quiet up there since, although I’m reluctant to check.

I might find myself hanging upside down by my ankles from a tree, or much worse, on the wrong end of one of his fiendish traps.

It’s not just my place that has been lively, however.

DARK: Recent goings on in Istan remind Giles Brown of a David Lynch film

Istan was rocked by the discovery of a mummified pensioner at Zahara de Istan, one of the more upmarket resorts in the area – so full of wholesome quinoa-eating young professionals that it looks like a version of ‘Dawson’s Creek’ – which added a dash of David Lynch-style macabre horror.

And then there was the police raid on a large villa two kilometres up the road that ended with two Camora Mafia fleeing into the surrounding campo.

‘Lock your doors and windows’, advised the Guardia Civil, ‘there are desperate Italians on the loose’.

At which point, one of my best female friends who lives in Cerros del Lago, a more, ahem, ‘bohemian’, urbanisation than Zahara, sent me a text message.

‘Desperate Italians on the loose?’, she purred, ‘I’m leaving my doors and windows wide OPEN!’

Giles Brown

DO YOU HAVE NEWS FOR US at Spain’s most popular English newspaper - the Olive Press? Contact us now via email: newsdesk@theolivepress.es or call 951 273 575. To contact the newsdesk out of regular office hours please call +34 665 798 618.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous Story

An Ayurvedic detox diet can help you bounce back from winter bingeing, writes Andalucia-based chef Manna Teji

Next Story

British expats and locals furious at plans to build HUNDREDS of electric pylons across Andalucia’s iconic Driving Over Lemons territory, protests planned

Latest from Giles Brown: Loud and Clear

Go toTop

More From The Olive Press