ONE week of lockdown, three to go, after the Spanish Government’s announcement yesterday.

Although rumours in the UK are that schools will be closed till September…I dread to think!

So, despite not having completed a PGCE (Post Graduate Certificate in Education) or any teaching course in my life, I’m now the new teacher on the block. You may call me Ms Hodgson.

My main concern is that these coming weeks will make things glaringly obvious that I’ve completely forgotten my times tables, let alone any more complex algebra. Division in Spain is done backwards in my opinion anyway, a bit like driving.

So not only will my children’s view that ‘Mum knows everything!’ be put to the test, to top it off I’ll have to prove my know-how in Spanish… Lord give me strength. I confuse masculine and feminine (lexical gender or something) in the most simplistic of nouns as it is.

Mamma’s survival flask

So, the best thing is to start by laying down some RULES before things get out of hand (And it’s not the kids I’m worried about)

1. Monday is pyjama day (Who am I kidding, every day is pyjama day).

2. School starts on the dot, after my second coffee.

3. No need to raise hands to ask to go to the loo… just go!

4. Break-time consists of running up and down the stairs eight times while I fill my flask. Don’t ask what’s in it, and you certainly don’t drink from it.

5. If you misbehave you’ll be handed a detention, still deciding what it will consist of, but a foot massage is on the table.

6. And if you really misbehave, you’ll be sent to Dad’s office for disciplinary… and I can tell you now, without footie on the telly, you don’t want to face Dad for the next few months.

Keep calm and fill your flask…

Phew, exhausted already. That’s enough rules to start with. Don’t want to burn myself out, time to re-fill my flask…

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