Mullins it over: Spurs, sun and crime, Charlie Mullins’ take on a year in Spain

AS I’m sure you’ve all heard by now, I’ve officially embraced my role as a full-time expat resident in Marbella – and, I’ve got to say, it’s been a year of bliss.

So, after a year of soaking up the sun and living the Spanish dream, I reckon I’m well within my rights to voice my opinion on what’s going down in Spain – especially with the flood of Brit tourists descending for the next few months.

Is it too soon to start playing the classic NIMBY? Maybe, but when you can’t even get a table at Cyrano in La Cala because tourists have snapped up every last booking, I think it’s fair game to have a little moan.

That’s my whinge of the week. Now, let’s get onto the serious (and slightly bizarre) matter of two English football clubs battling it out in the final of a major European competition – the UEFA League – in Bilbao.

On a positive note, I hear the Spanish authorities did a better job looking after the Manchester United and Tottenham fans than the French have in recent years.

READ MORE:

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• MULLINS IT OVER: Welcome to the Costa del Crime; sun, scams and a shooting near my front gate – but leave my name out of it, insists Charlie Mullins

A mate of mine – let’s call him Jon, a diehard Spurs fan – went up for the match. Now, even though it was probably the most mind-numbing football match since the Greeks somehow dragged themselves across the finish line at the 2004 Euros, Jon came away as happy as Larry.

His beloved Spurs (currently languishing in 17th in the Premier League) managed to scrape past an equally uninspiring Manchester United (sitting at 16th) by the slimmest of margins – a 1-0 win.

Not exactly a classic, but hey, it was a European trophy, and that’s something. Rumour has it the catering was top-notch, and unlike the usual dodgy trip back from White Hart Lane, the good folks of Bilbao weren’t out there setting up ambushes for the 80,000-strong crowd of British fans.

Now, as an Arsenal fan, I can’t help but wonder: What lessons, if any, will our traditional rivals over at Spurs take from their Bilbao adventure on May 21?

It seems to me Tottenham play a whole lot better when they’re off British soil. Sure, they lost 22 matches in the Premier League, but somehow managed to trouser a major European title on the other side of the Channel.

Maybe, just maybe, Tottenham Hotspur might want to consider a US-style relocation? 

After all, Malaga, who are affectionately known as Los Boquerones (the anchovies), don’t have much of a winning legacy down here on the Costa del Sol. Sure, they bagged the 2002 Intertoto Cup, but that’s about it.

So why not ditch the smelly fish team and bring a real bit of English football to the Costa del Sol? Spurs, it’s a no-brainer!

Away from Jon’s football obsession, though, there’s another UK import we could all do without – and that’s the gangster lifestyle that’s currently giving Spain a bad reputation.

Clearly British wrong’ uns feel like sunny Spain is a good place to do business, which seems to have created unwanted criminal competition.

Most recently, a couple of Scottish gangsters got gunned down outside a bar. Not a good look, and I wonder if the UK and Spanish police might be able to work together better to sort this problem out? That also makes sense!

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